What would you stay for?

Mallorca, Spain

What would you stay for if your feet itched to go? What would you pause for if your spirit said go? What would you leave behind for the possibility of making your heart feel whole, for a new adventure, for terrifying possibility? A year ago I had an answer to that question. I was fresh off of the Camino de Santiago, which I will tell you more about at another time. I was fit, I was trim and I was full of determination… and dread. I was filled with dread because I realized that my relationship, which had lasted through 11 months of being apart was doomed. I knew I was going to have to break the heart of the man I loved.

Why?

Because he was a rock, a tree with roots, and I knew that I would want to get up and go again and he couldn’t wouldn’t come with.

Because he was a rock, a tree with roots, and I knew that I would want to get up and go again and he couldn’t wouldn’t come with. I knew that he would not follow my wandering soul and that would ultimately ruin our relationship. I had to let go of the first man I ever loved with my whole heart because there was a part of it he would never share. It was not his fault; it was mine, I wouldn’t couldn’t stay.

Kiserslautren, Germany

Fast forward six months (and through a lot of tears and general cliché break up drama) and I was offered a new business opportunity with a friend. “Lets start a tofu business!” he said and I said “OK.” And with that we were off to the races. I am not a lover of tofu (sorry) but I was loving the opportunity to learn and grow. However the prospect of the road still tickled at my mind. For a long while it didn’t matter. I would (will) not graduate until the following year, so what did I have to lose?

Over the last six months I have participated in business model competitions. I have tested products and done potential client interviews. I have talked to grocers and mentors, insurance agents and inspectors. I have found myself growing and learning as a business woman, but I have also found myself increasingly unhappy with my project. Part of that is because of differences in communication styles among group members, but part of it was also something I could not quite name within myself. I was fundamentally unhappy and I could not pinpoint why, which of course bothered me more.

Old Capitol Food Co.

Over the last few weeks the problems among the team came to a head and we appeared to be moving forward, but the more it was coming to some form of resolution the less I seemed to care. I was done; checked out. Something was still missing and I started to think about what I would be willing to give up. I was mad when I saw it. I had been willing to stay for something that was making my less happy and less satisfied in my life than something I had been willing did give up to go. And there it was my answer. Go.

I had been willing to stay for something that was making my less happy and less satisfied in my life than something I had been willing did give up to go. And there it was my answer.

Go.

Not now, not immediately, but when I graduate I need to go. What I will do exactly I am still figuring out, but the decision once made seemed to put my spirit at rest and fill me with a kind of excitement I had not felt in a long time. So there you have it, by this time next year I hope to be nervously packing my things for my next overseas adventures.

Mallorca, Spain

Stories which inspired some of my thoughts:

  •  This upset teacher in China, who left and conquered his adventure
  • This lady, who gave up my dream job to pursue the something else because it ‘just felt right.’
  • And this brave young traveler, who not only shared her story, but had fun despite her Italian mishap.

What would you stay for? What could help you go?

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