Waiting for the drop: Thoughts on Graduation
My apartment and my life are in chaotic flux, the evidence of my non-transient life explode in excess, reflecting the anxieties and apprehensions that the unknown evokes in me. This Saturday I graduate from college ending, at least for now, the patterns of the education system which have, for the entirety of my living memory, dictated the structure of my life. Now to say that this moment leaves me feeling only afraid and anxious would be a bold-faced lie, instead I would describe my life as being like a roller coaster ride. In elementary school I stood in the queue holding my parents hands. In junior high I lined up for two years at the gate, waiting for my car to arrive. In high school we were belted in and given the brief safety speech. This is when it all became very real. Safety was no longer guaranteed and I was excited to get out from the gate.
In college we began the clicking grind up the slope. It has been a time filled with wonder, with new excitement and new anxiety and with new hope. Each day, each week, each semester and year have provided me with new views on life, the universe, and everything, but now I look from the top. I have reached the point at which this system, these clattering chains which have pulled my so high, now hold me back. These chains will no longer keep me safe, instead I can only hope that they fling me into a great adventure. They have not quite let me go yet. I have still a few days left, but I am afraid. I have tipped over the edge, the last cars holding me back for a moment longer, but I can see the great fall ahead. My stomach drops preemptively. I can’t see what twists, turns, loops and straight-aways the world will present to me, what life has to hold. The possibilities are endless, and in the infinite I find dismay as well as wonder and joy.
I can’t say how blessed I am to have had the opportunity to ride this ride. To be able to get to the top. To have been a Hawkeye, to have made such friends, and to be a woman in a time when I get to choose what the adventure ahead will look like, but I am scared guys. I am scared in the best way possible. Five days from now my apartment will be packed into boxes. I will done my cap and gown and walk across a stage with the pomp and circumstance that implies. Then, six to eight weeks later, I will get a letter of confirmation from my university that I did actually pass. And, well, perhaps if I don’t we will be having an entirely different kind of conversation, but the chances of that happening are about as likely as this roller coaster detaching itself and starting all over again from the beginning. So, for the being I am enjoying my last moments, savoring the anxieties, and discovering more socks than I knew I owned. So, until next time, Keep wandering, ~LU